A PetiX Life

To be far away from home is perhaps one of the hardest struggles that a Filipino overseas worker must face. To be away on Christmas, is much harder. Arriving in the US a few months before Christmas, I wondered what it was like celebrating the season in a foreign land, away for the first time from family and friends back home in the Philippines. I knew from stories of relatives and friends that Christmas in the US wasn’t the same as what we have in the islands, but I still felt some excitement as Christmas drew near since it was, of course, my first here. My uncles and aunties, who’ve been away from our country for a much longer time, had told me about how Christmas was celebrated in a different way in North America–that celebrations were much "quieter" here than in our third-world nation. But not until I was separated from my loved ones and experienced my first American Christmas, did I fully comprehend what Christmas truly meant to Filipinos.

Filipinos who are in the US usually tell folks back home that Christmas comes and goes like any ordinary day. To be fair, that’s not exactly accurate. Americans do celebrate Christmas, too. They bring out the tree, decorate it with bright lights and shiny trimmings, and flood it with gifts– some of which were bought as early as November during the Thanksgiving Sale. Some even put lights that snake around the entire house, much like what we do back in the homeland. There were parties, too.

Filipinos here try to do as much as they can to celebrate Christmas in the same way that they do in the Philippines. In the Filipino church that I go to, we had our own Simbang Gabi, although it was shorter by 12 days. We sang Christmas carols, exchanged gifts, and laid out a feast of Filipino food, including the lechon, pinakbet, adobo, lumpiang shanghai, and all the pancit you can eat. It was a feast that could’ve fed an entire barangay back home and still had plenty left to give each one a take-away bag.

Christmas at our house here in LA, where I stay with my relatives, was very much the same back home. There were presents and food–the traditional Christmas ham was roasted perfectly in the oven; and what Filipino Christmas would be complete without the videoke machine? We sang to our hearts delight naturally like any true Filipino would.

Inside our house, if I closed my eyes, I could feel the same warmth of Christmas as though I was back home, but the moment I stepped outside, there was hardly anything that would tell me that it was Christmas time. Except for a handful of houses (which were mostly Filipino-owned homes), there were no Christmas lights and parols that blink and chime throughout the night and could light up an entire archipelago; there were no children knocking on doors and singing their own versions of Jingle Bells and Ang Pasko Ay Sumapit in the most incongruous melodies and highly improvised lyrics–the same children who repeatively go back to your house and pretend they weren’t there just minutes ago by disguising their voices or changing their clothes; there were no neighbors who played the same Christmas song over and over until you could hear it playing in your sleep; there were no Christmas carols blasting out of radios that played so loud you could hardly hear your own thoughts; there was no mad rush at the mall the kind we have back home where every corner and every nook of every shopping center was filled with holiday shoppers; there were neither lanterns nor banners hanging on street posts to show that Christmas has come: the streets were bare; and lastly, Christmas passed in the US literally without fireworks.

The last one I missed the most. In the thirty years of my life, there were always firecrackers and fireworks during Christmas and especially during the New Year celebrations. Fireworks–whether it was a simple "fountain" or the extravagant fireworks display arranged by the rich Chinese family in the local community–usually served as a high point in the holiday celebrations for Filipinos. Here in the US, there were no children playing lusis; there were no teenagers making bamboo canons; and there were no adults playing with firecrackers like children. (Of course, there was no one here getting their fingers blasted by a misfiring bawang or superlolo, but the number of firecraker victims in our country is steadily declining.)

Christmas and New Year passed quietly here where I’m trying to build a second home. I’ve just had my first taste of Christmas in this foreign land and it has made me appreciate more the little things that make up our celebrations back in the islands. Being so many miles away has made me realize what makes the season a truly special time for Filipinos. Unlike here in the US, Christmas unites our entire country in joyous celebration and there is a party atmosphere everythere. Everybody is singing the same holiday songs and everyone has the same goal: to celebrate the birth of Jesus in whatever means available. It didn’t matter if there was food prepared in the family table, Christmas cheer was free and everyone was invited to party. Despite the hardships throughout the year, everyone is either cheerful or ready to cheer up others. The "sounds of Christmas" echoes across the country and that’s what makes a world of difference.

Cómo están ustedes?

pagpasensyahan nyo na’t matagal akong di nakakapag
post dito. Mula nang mapadpad ako dito sa los angeles e nawala na ako sa sarili ko. sinu ba namang hindi masisiraan ng ulo dito?

akala ko amerika ang tungo ko. pero sa halos dalawang buwan ko dito, parang nasa pilipinas pa rin ako. paglapag na paglapag namin sa
eroplano, akala ko mga puti’t itim ang sasalubong samin pagbukas ng
pinto, pero mga kulay pandesal ang mga taong sumalubong samin at
nagtatagalog pa ang iba.

pagkalagpas ko ng immigration check, deretso ako sa baggage carousel. nung naubos na’ng mga lumalabas na bagahe’t wala pa yung gamit ko, lumapit ako sa isang mamang maputi at matangkad na nakauniporme (ahem, eto mukhang amerikano, sabi ko sa isip ko). syempre, hinanda ko sarili ko–eto na, mapapasabak na ako sa englisan nito.

"Excuse me. Can you help me find my luggage?" biglang sagot
sakin, "Hinanap nyo na po ba sa mga nakalapag dun?" sabay turo gamit
ang bibig sa mga nakakumpol na bagahe sa sahig.

pag daan ko sa customs check, isa isa nilang pinadaan sa xray ang mga bagahe. yung ibang bagahe, binuksan pa nila. nung ako na ang nakasunod sa pila, aba’t mantakin mo ba namang tanungin ako kung me dala akong balot, tocino, longganisa, mangga, at chicharon. "Yummy yummy chicharon, do you have some?" tanung pa nya sakin. Ginutom tuloy ako.

pagkalabas ko ng airport, sinundo na ako ng mga kamaganak ko. halos
filipino ang kasabayan ko sa eroplano, kaya puro pinoy din ang
sumalubong sa mga pasahero sa labas. ok lang, sabi ko. gabi na nung
dumating kami, baka maagang natutulog ang mga amerikano, sa isip ko.

II.
kinaumagahan, pagkatapos ng almusal ng kape’t tinapay (hindi ko na
ginalaw yung hinanda nilang dala namin na dried pusit dahil yun din
ang huling ulam ko sa pinas), sinama nila ako sa grocery. ang pangalan
ng grocery ay Seafood City. excited ako. wow! seafood. gusto ko ng
lobster at kung anu anu pang seafood sa amerika, inisip ko. tuwang
tuwa ako nung bumukas ang pinto. wow, auto-doors. kusang bumubukas. wow amerika na!

pero sumambulat sa kin, picture ng mukha ni ryan at juday sa counter. Manood daw ng Isabella sa TFC channel. Halos pinoy ang namimili sa grocery, pati mga empleyado. hindi lang mukhang pinoy. pag bumili ka ng baboy, itatanung pa sayo, "Anung hati gusto nyo dito sa karne nyo?" Akala ko sa Seafood City ako nagpunta, bat parang nasa Cherry Supermarket sa Commonwealth lang ako?

Lahat ng produkto ng pinas andun– mula sa fishballs, squidballs, bangus, tilapia hanggang sa Lingayen Bagoong (Yes), datu puti suka at sinu ba namang mawawalan ng staple food ng pinoy: ang instant pancit canton. pati ang paborito kong Pop Cola meron sila, mas matangkad nga lang ang bote. siguro sadyang pang amerika, mas mahahaba daw kse yung sa kanila. i mean, yung mga bote ng soda.

III.
pagkatapos naming mag grocery, tinanung ako kung san ko raw gustong mag merienda. eto na. makakatikim na ako ng american burger at fries. whooo! ang saya saya.

so, tumingin ako sa paligid ng makakainan. tumingin ako sa kaliwa: jolibee, chowking, goldilocks at dalawang pinoy restaurant. yung isa pa nga, sandamakmak na pictures ng artistang pinoy sa mga pader nya. (bigla akong napadasal: lord, sana wag naman pong chickenjoy, meal No. 6 ang ipakain nila sa kin ngayon) tumingin naman ako sa kanan: Aling Nena’s Pinoy restaurant, Mang Ambo’s Turo Turo, at ang ever present na Goodah!

Sabi ng tita ko, sa Goodah na lang kame.

Mahirap itago ang nasa isip ko, "Tita, hindi ba puro lugaw at mami dyan? Saka po, matagal na atang nagsara yung Goodah sa tin, masarap ba dyan? (Actually bukas pa, kadadaan ko lang sa West Ave nung araw bago ako umalis ng Pinas).

"Hindi, masarap dyan. Halika. Pumili ka ng gusto mo." Pinauna ko muna silang pumasok sa loob ng Goodah, nagdasal muna ako sa labas.

Pagkauwi namin, habang nagbababa kame ng groceries, dumating yung kapitbahay nila.

"Kumusta? dumating na ba yung pamngkin nyo?" sabi nya. Oo, tama kayo, pinoy din.

"Oo," sagot ng tita ko. "Halika Jo, ipapakilala kita. Yung
isang kapitbahay din natin mga Filipino. Halos Filipino tayo dito."
Napangiti lang ako.

IV.
Akala ko sa Amerika, marameng puti, marameng itim, marameng ibang lahi. Pero dito sa LA, mukhang eto daw ata ang promised land ng mga sinakop ng bansang Espanya noon pa. dahil puro Pinoy at Mehikano and nandito, mga lahing dating inalipusta ng mga Kastila. Ang California daw ay dating pagmamayari ng mga Kastila, kaya siguro sinabi ni lord, "O dito na lang kayo ha."

sadyang marami talagang pinoy dito sa LA. nung niyaya akong
magbasketball ng mga pinsan ko, isang buong gym na puno ng pinoy ang naglalaro. sa simbahan, lahat pinoy ang nakikimisa. sinamahan ko sa ospital yung isa kong pinsan, mga pinoy nurses ang kumakausap sa min. hindi ko tuloy maipagmalaki sa mga ibang kaibigan ko sa pinas na nasa amerika na ako. dahil nung una akong nagkwento sa knila, ayaw nilang maniwala dahil para lang daw akong nasa mindanao.

I haven’t updated my blog in a while. The last entry was written when I was still reviewing for my nursing boards: That was last year. Since then, I’ve passed two other major exams, the TOEFL iBT and US NCLEX-RN, aside from the local licensure test, and then went on to get some other nursing licenses along the way, like my IV therapy permit.  My IV license is kinda special because a friend of mine, Juzzy, says I’m not a real nurse unless I know how to insert IV needles and tubes. Never mind all the other tests, the real measure of a true nurse, according to the Juzzy Doctrine, is that you must know IV therapy if you’re a real nurse. Otherwise, you’re just another person in white who’s pretending to be a nurse or a medical worker. The white uniform must complete the overall effect, though. I’ve seen Jackie Chan insert a needle in one of his movies and yet the Juzzy Doctrine doesn’t consider him a nurse. So, there are two prerequisites then: one, you must be in white; and second, you must know thou IVT.

Seeing that I’ve now complied with those two requirements–yes, Juzzy, I am now a nurse. And what a major transformation that is for me.

there’s a clock sitting directly in front of me and i’m wondering: am i staring at the clock or is the clock staring at me? do we wait for time to come or does time wait for us to arrive?

********

the board exams is a little more than two months away and i’m slightly anxious about it.

*******

i just got cable on my tv again: this is definitely not the way to prepare for a career-defining exam.

*******

the final leg of our revalida is coming up on monday and i’m due to demonstrate nursing procedures lumped under the difficult category. in a revalida, students not only demonstrate specific nursing procedures and skills, but they also go through an oral exam to test their knowledge of nursing concepts, anatomy, physiology and pathologies as well as rationales, purposes, indications and counterindications for specific nursing procedure. in short, a revalida is a time to reflect about your future because if you fail the revalida, there might not be a future waiting for you.

this is how i prepare for my revalida– writing a blog in friendster.

wish me luck!

*****

community nursing is a glamorless area of nursing practice, but reseach here almost always turns up something interesting.

sa isang survey na me kinalaman sa pagkalat ng STDs, tinanung ang mga kalalakihan nang ilang depressed communities sa metro manila tungkol sa paggamit ng condom.

1) i-describe ang babae na gagamitan mo ng condom:

sagot: babae na nakalugay ang buhok, naka-sleeveless, nakasuot ng mini-skirt, at morena ang kutis.

2) i-describe ang babae na hindi mo gagamitan ng condom:

sagot: babae na nakatali ang buhok, nakabistida, maputi ang kutis, at nakasuot ng uniform na parang nurse or doktor.

*****

despite arguments to the contrary, filipinos are highly regionalistic. pinoys tend to cluster together based on the geographic regions they come from. for example, in school, we often see ilokano students or bisayans or other regional groups forming small groups. this is their natural tendency.

based on research, it’s been found out that people often hold certain attitudes and assumptions about other regional groups. ilokanos, for example, are widely known to be "kuripot" (frugal). certain regional groups are known for specific qualities:

ilokanos = kuripot

kapampangans = mayabang

bikolanos = malibog

bisayans = aswang

the clock on my desk tells me it’s time;

the luxury of it must have been overused

coz i find myself drifting, sifting, trying to find

the right moment.

now i am split between the end and the start

and i have done nothing but read time.

In my last post, I wrote about leaving journalism. My eyes are set on something else now and I’ve already set aside my journalistic pen. Then I took an online test to see what my aptitude was and perhaps know where I’ll be good at. I know, it’s hilarious. I actually took a test so that a test could tell me where I’m good at!

Anyways, my test results just came out and guess where I’m good at supposedly. Here’s a summary of my results:

"You are equipped with a verbal arsenal that enables you to understand complex issues and communicate on a particularly high level. These talents make you a Word Warrior.

"Whether or not you recognize it, your vocabulary is your strongest suit—use it whenever you can. Since your command of words is so great, you are also a terrific communicator — able to articulate big ideas to just about anyone. Your wordsmithing prowess will also help in artistic and creative pursuits. The power of words translates to fresh ideas off paper too. Since you have so many words at your disposal, you are in a unique position to describe things in an original way, as well as see the future in your mind’s eye.

The foreign trips, the sumptuous meals, five-star hotel accommodations, freebie gadgets and the fascination of being able to try out new computer technologies before other people find out they even exist are some of the many things I miss about being an IT journalist. I’ve been away from journalism for a couple of months now. I’ve temporarily parked my journalistic pen and hopped a ride towards a different career path. I’m pursuing a new story, one that is certainly life-changing. Some people still can’t imagine me doing something else but writing, although I tell them that writing will always be with me. I’m just chasing a different adventure this time, working out a new lead, developing a new angle and hoping for a new ending.

It’s a bit strange actually how easy it was for me to make a transition and leave journalism behind. I’ve been breathing the journalistic air since high school through college and I even thought it was the only way for me to live my life. That last thought is probably the biggest worst assumption I’ve ever concocted, bigger than thinking I was That’s Entertainment material back then. Way, way much bigger.

This is not to say that I’ve sucked at being a journalist. I’d like to think that I’ve done my fair share and contributed humbly to the development of IT journalism, a niche area, in the 10 years I was at it. This is just to say that I’ve longed to do something else but didn’t quite know exactly what it is until this past year.

It can be argued that it took me a while to realize what I wanted to do. That may be true, but I’m just happy that I’ve done so while I’m still alive. Some people never get a breakthrough and labor endlessly until their very last breaths, not ever being able to taste what they really want. I’ve gotten a new lease in life, a fresh start, and I’m happy with that.

Leaving journalism is a decision I had to make not because journalism sucked, but because I found something else I wanted to do. There’s a difference between leaving behind a regrettable past and an experience that you will cherish until all your gray hair have fallen off. I’ve had ten wonderful years in journalism. My former roommate, Ram, used to tell me I had the best job in the world. I had new gadgets all the time, I ate at the fanciest restaurants, slept in the best hotels, and traveled to the best places in the world! How could you not like sleeping at the Ritz Carlton, bonding with Mickey Mouse and company in Florida, riding a Segway even before it started selling in the market, battling waves in Maui and kayaking in Palawan all for free! Back when I shared a flat with a couple of friends from UP, I was embarrassed to tell them I was leaving for a short trip out of the country because I’d be leaving again shortly when I come back. Sometimes I wouldn’t see my roomates for a week or two and I was embarrassed to say I just got back from two different countries. I never imagined being a jet-setter but I got to experience that as an IT journalist.

Life as a journalist wasn’t all about that of course. The most memorable moments in a journalist’s life are when one’s works are recognized by other people, when you feel you are relevant, when you are respected and trusted by your readers. There were awards given by peers and industry groups, but the more unforgettable experiences came when people came up to you to say that they appreciated your work.

It may sound strange, but the things I loved about my former job were also some of the reasons I decided to leave.  The frequent traveling as a journalist ignited in me a passion to try and discover the vast treasures of the world. This is probably the single most important reason I left journalism behind. I want to explore the world, I want to go backpacking in Europe, buy a house in Italy or Greece, discover the pyramids of Egypt and spend a night or two in any of England’s hundred castles, and paying for them with my own money.

This is probably the new life story I’m trying to pursue. I want to conquer the world and write about it. There is so much to discover about the world and I’m hoping I’ve taken the right path to experiencing it.

My old friend and former colleague in IT journalism, Jenny Malapitan, wrote a couple of weeks ago about the looming extinction or transformation of journalists. She said that publishers today are increasingly looking for journalists who can create multimedia content. I remember a conversation I had with a top executive of IBM some six or seven years ago. Back then, the Internet bubble had not burst and many of the dotcoms were barely in the weaning stage. I remember the IBM guy saying that the Internet would need journalists who could present information in ways that would be interesting for users. Journalists with good presentation and multimedia skills would fuel the Internet boom.

Even as early as the late 90’s, there was already talk about the transformation of journalists in the face of the Internet technology revolution. I doubt that journalists are much more skilled in multimedia creation today as they were six years ago. Besides being able to create Friendster accounts and perhaps a blog or two, journalists today would probably have little IT technical skills to speak of. When I say technical skills, I don’t mean being able to tweak a notebook computer or customize an iPod, but I mean being able to create some cute application in Java or a fancy Flash movie. Those journalists who have these abilities are the exceptions and they make up a very small percentage of the population.

More than just the Internet itself, the creation of blogs in particular have put pressure on journalists, not to transform, but to enhance the intrinsic skills and traits that made them what they are in the first place. With blogs, people now have numerous sources of news, information and commentary. There’s no study yet, but I would surmise bloggers are being read more now than traditional news sources like newspapers, magazine and their online counterparts. With so many bloggers or so-called armchair journalists competing with traditional journalists for people’s attention, the traditional journalist has to come out with more credible, more interesting, and more insightful news and commentary than what these bloggers produce. This crisis does not require journalists to learn new tricks but it requires them to find a way for their intrinsic value to shine much brighter than ever before. It requires them to write much better, find more credible sources, seek out truth much harder, and become much more relevant in people’s lives everywhere than in the past.

So, do I think journalists, bred in the old-fashioned way, will become extinct? I seriously doubt it. Journalists are not like dinosaurs: they don’t become extinct with the changing environment. If there are journalists who disappear from the limelight, it doesn’t mean they’ve become extinct–they’re just pursuing a "new" story.

What is trust? Can you see it? Can it be felt with one’s hands? Can it be tasted? Can it be heard? Can it ruin an entire economy? Can it ruin a life? If it’s so valuable, how much can you pawn it for? What monetary value does it have? Does it have monetary value? Can you go to McDonald’s and exchange it for a Big Mac? What do you do when you lose it? What do you do if it’s lost in you? What do you do if you can’t be trusted? Where do you get trust? Can you find it under the stacks of cloth in Divisoria? How can you get trust back if it’s lost? Can you go to every police station and report that it’s missing? What will the cops do to you if they found out you can’t be trusted?

What is trust and how do you get one’s trust back?

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